Dementia and firearm ownership

G

GEARHEAD_ENG

New member
Knew this day would come eventually. Had to remove the guns from my dad's house last night. His Dementia has taken a toll lately and he has become more depressed, delusional, and paranoid. Mom had to take him to the Hospital yesterday after several days of worsing behavior. While they were there the entire family agreed it was time to remove the guns. I know he is having a hard time with losing driving privileges, physical challenges (Parkinson's), and now the guns. He isn't threatening anyone but with depression we fear the thought of turning one on himself. We tried to think of a way he can hang onto them such as trigger locks and removing ammo from the home but we aren't very comfortable about that at this time.

Anyone else have to deal with a situation such as this?
 
Yes with an 90 year old uncle.
The gun was pretty special to him, so it was left with him but the firing pin was removed. He doesn't know the gun has been altered, so I hope he doesn't read this. :)

Good luck, God Bless. It's a tough situation.
 
My grandpa is in the same boat. It's a real heartbreaking disease. My grandfather is now in a nursing home so at least we didn't have to "disarm" him at home. I really feel for anyone that has to do that.

My grandfather is responsible for my love of shooting and gun collecting. He still has some good days but on the worst days it really is hard to deal with.
 
Thankfully no. My dad died 3 1/2 years ago just a week before his 90th birthday. He was sharp as a tack right to the end. He gave up driving on his own about 5 years earlier. HE was the one who recognized that he couldn't see well enough to be behind the wheel. I respected him for not making us make that call. He gave my brother and I the handful of guns in the house at about the same time. He recognized that at his age and health that he would be very unlikely to be able to use them for SD and they were more likely to just be a target for thieves.

I feel for those who have to deal with dementia. I've had an uncle that struggled and other friends have had parents go through it. I think you made the right call.
 
When my dad went he had full on dementia. He was in a facility by then so guns were not an issue. Trigger locks won't work, they are too easy to bypass. Before he got bad we had to take away his car. He would go for a drive and come back with damage to the car and no explanation as to how it got there.

My heart goes out to you. It was rough for us seeing a tough old Marine go out that way. Even if you do the best you can for him it still won't be enough.

:(
 
I'm sorry for what you've had to face.

My family recently had to deal with a similar situation.

My grandfather (alone - and not necessarily stable to begin with), reached the point that the family got together and made the determination that ALL firearms should be removed from the house.

After some discussions with my grandfather, and convincing him that he really no longer understood or had any real grasp of the world around him....
About a month ago, all 'heirs' gathered to receive their allotted firearms, and the few that are inclined to such activities took applicable reloading tools and supplies as well. The designated 'heirs' not privy to said meeting (myself only, as far as I know) received their inheritable firearms after the fact.

(I was the ONLY grandchild to receive one of the firearms, and it was one of the most sought-after pieces - being believed to be highly valuable by my grandfather's children, but not actually valuable in reality. :o My Grandfather left it to me because I knew what it was and treasured it for family history, rather than being someone that thought they knew what it was, treasuring it for perceived value. He knew that I understood the true [lack of] value of the firearm, and wanted to ensure that family history came before a pawn shop. And, for that, I am truly grateful.)

It's not fun.
It's not pretty.
But, unfortunately, it's an unavoidable eventuality.

In my family's case, some incredible 'blowback' occurred after the fact, that resulted in ridiculous family drama that has not yet been resolved (and probably never will be). But, my grandfather, when cognizant enough to understand where his precious firearms are going or have gone, continues to support the decisions made. All else going bat-crap-crazy, he has affirmed multiple times that the current possessors of his firearms are exactly who he wants them to be with.

He may not know how to wash his hands or get a drink of water any more; but he always seems to understand where his firearms have gone - and he approves of the decisions made.
 
A couple of years ago we had to "disarm" my father-in-law. He had a 3 shotguns, a rifle and a .38 revolver.
We quietly did this, and I'm not sure he knew. But it was something we all felt was necessary.
We gave the revolver to my son in law, the good shotgun to my brother in law, my son got the rifle, and I got an old beater bolt action shotgun which I will give away.
I don't believe he ever would have used one on himself, but we didn't want any accidents or to have them stolen.
Shortly afterward we had to put him in a home (he broke his hip) and now he's gone.
 
Didn't have to deal with this personally, but a close friend's father had been suffering from early signs of Alzheimer's and had a bad day. Had a fit, started threatening to harm his wife, & threatened to kill himself. Family called 911 and was taken away to the psych ward for monitoring. A couple of weeks later he gets a letter from the State Police to turn all of his guns in or give them to a family member. Yeah, definitely sucks for the guy.

However, even I agree that all of us at some point will be unable to use or simply own some of our favorite things - if we get old enough. Circle of life and all that crap.
 
Thanks all. I appreciate the stories and kind words. My dad is relatively young to be dealing with this at age 64. He has had Parkinson's for 20 years we guess. He has the slow progressive type and didn't really show major signs of the disease until 6-7 years ago. He has days were he is in a good frame of mind and others where he thinks he has mice in his bed and that my Mom is have a relationship with her lady friend. We know that it probably won't be much longer that my Mom won't be able to care for him and he will need to be in a home. Until then we just have to cherish the good times.

Sent from my SM-G900P using Tapatalk
 
Sorry to hear about your situation. All the best to you.

I hope this isn't viewed as hijacking the topic, but this thread got me thinking: How should this be handled in Washington state where I live, or in Maine if the new Bloomberg ballot measure passes there, or any other state where private transfers are regulated? Let's say that I had a gun owning relative in Washington state, and I and other relatives decide that his guns should be removed because he is showing significant signs of dementia. Imagine the nightmare of trying to drag an unwilling, demented gun owner down to the local FFL in order to have the FFL give official blessing to a legal transfer.

The law in Washington state now applies the following to any private firearms transfer: "The seller or transferor shall deliver the firearm to a licensed dealer to process the sale or transfer...."

I don't see a way around that.
 
Tantrum behaviour is always possibility.
Not having guns around assures his/her decision making family members there is no longer a chance of using a firearm to hurt himself or unintentionally hurt some other.
There comes a time when safety is # 1 priorty for our old folks. Someone family needs to step up and make that RIGHT decision.> Sorry Dad its time to surrender those guns of yours.< The old gent will probably agree. >Its time.<

If not.
Out of sight Out of mind. >He'll get over it.
 
The gun was pretty special to him, so it was left with him but the firing pin was removed.
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I'm impressed, TXAZ, with the ingenuity and respect shown by this solution...it would probably work well for a small collection and in cases where the owner is not shooting them but keeps them around for sentimental reasons.

Family called 911 and was taken away to the psych ward for monitoring. A couple of weeks later he gets a letter from the State Police to turn all of his guns in or give them to a family member.
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In some areas, they might have been confiscated when he was "taken away". As a warning to others, we shouldn't let it progress that far.

Regardless of the solution, a sad state of affairs for all concerned.
 
This is a sad situation. I had a grandmother who went through dementia and most days she barely recognized who her kids were, and didn't recognize any of the grandchildren. My mother cared for her the last few years and she was quite spry... but she didn't have any firearms and we didn't have any "pride holdout" from her other than when she finally moved in with my mother. She didn't make too much fuss over it, and it was time because it wasn't long after that when she wouldn't even recognize her children on bad days.

I would like to think that my children will be good to me if they have to deal with this. I.E., let me keep my favorite 1911 but remove the firing pin. Alas, we must recognize that there is a time when we must restrict the freedom of our elders and that is hard... but it is for their own good.
 
My Dad is 86 August this year and I had to take his .38 since he told me there was something wrong with it (there wasn't)he had told me he was just messing around with it and the hammer got jammed back (It has been loaded for the last 50 years with a trigger lock on it). When he got it out to show me I noticed he had written on the inside of the drawer "38 pistol behind here" so he wouldn't forget where it was. He is declining rapidly into dementia and after seeing this I looked at my Mom and she said take it. It was hard because he looked at me and said "how will I be able to defend myself" i felt about 3 inches tall and said Dad I hope you never have to but I am worried about accidents and he said he understood. He still has his old .22 but that will have to go soon I think .
Chris
 
I suppose it cold happen to any one of us. I would hope to sell off any of my collection that isn't anything that my heirs would want before something like this would happen to me. I would be ok with my family taking out the firing pin(s), but I doubt they would know how.

Since most of them just sit in my safe, by the time my memory fails, I don't think that I'd be able to unlock the safe anyway.
 
Not just guns. I volunteer for a team that searches for lost or missing people. We regularly go out on searches for older people who wander off. Many times family does not realize just how far along they are. Many people don't recognize the problem until it is at the point where they need to be put in a facility with 24 hour security to keep them from wandering off. I've worked some searches for people in their 20's-40's that are suffering from dementia as well. It isn't just older people.

In the winter of 2013 I worked on a search for a man in his early 80's in central Florida. He left home to buy a gal of milk and never returned. The next day his car was found stuck on a dirt farm road over 100 miles away. His remains have never been recovered. He probably set out on foot after getting stuck and died of exposure.

I've worked several similar cases, sometimes we find them alive, but most of the time we aren't called until it is a recovery operation. If someone is showing the least bit of confusion they shouldn't be driving alone. They may still be able to drive, but someone needs to be in the car.
 
where they need to be put in a facility with 24 hour security to keep them from wandering off.
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Personally, if/when I get to that stage in life, I fully intend on wandering off to die. I've made this known to my closest loved ones. I will never permit anyone to put me in a facility with 24 hour security. What exactly do people think they are protecting an 80-100 year old person from doing to themselves when that person knows that their health and their mind are rapidly failing?
 
I agree Skans. I was hoping I'd never have to put my grandpa in a home, but he fell off his bike(should've taken that away) and my dad called the ambulance. Took him to the hospital then he broke his hip and now he's going to die in a nursing home. So sad. I very much wanted him to go peacefully at his homestead but there is nothing Anyone can do.
 
GEARHEAD I am sorry for you and your father. Dementia is a cruel disease. I saw it with my father, and now it is becoming an issue with my Father-in-law. You've made the right decisions. Do the best you can to make sure he understands you care, and that he is getting all he needs. Beyond that, there isn't much you can do. I wish you well.

Skans with my family history, it is a real possibility that I will one day find myself in this situation. Wandering off to let nature take care of things is not a realistic option. Making an intentional decision to end things is not a topic for this forum. I pray neither of us are ever faced with this.
 
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