Some internet, unsubstantiated fun.
WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them,
shouting out to give himself up.
WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account.
THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in
the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store
clerk in a storage room and worked the counter himself for three hours --
until police showed up and grabbed him.
DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup
to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man
shouted,
"That's not what I said!"
OUCH, THAT SMARTS!!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack
designed
to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber
apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running
out
the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around with an explosion taking
place inside his pants," said police spokesman Mike Carey. Police have the
man's charred trousers in custody.
ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. No, you idiot!" the man shouted, "this is her husband!"
NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a
bank
of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
THE LAWN!
A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker
entered.
This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos
and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff discovered more dyed hair --
green
this time, and above it was a tattoo reading,"Keep off the grass." After
the
prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the
dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." >>
WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them,
shouting out to give himself up.
WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced
him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account.
THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in
the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store
clerk in a storage room and worked the counter himself for three hours --
until police showed up and grabbed him.
DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup
to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man
shouted,
"That's not what I said!"
OUCH, THAT SMARTS!!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack
designed
to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber
apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running
out
the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around with an explosion taking
place inside his pants," said police spokesman Mike Carey. Police have the
man's charred trousers in custody.
ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. No, you idiot!" the man shouted, "this is her husband!"
NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a
bank
of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
THE LAWN!
A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker
entered.
This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos
and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff discovered more dyed hair --
green
this time, and above it was a tattoo reading,"Keep off the grass." After
the
prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the
dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." >>
