Census Bureau Just Paid Me a Visit

[Johnny Got His Gun.1]

I was on my back porch replacing fishing line on my rod and reel when a lady from the Census Bureau rolled up the driveway. She had paid us a visit a few weeks ago, but the wife and I weren't home at that time.

This is a rough version of the dialogue:

Census Lady asked the perfunctory "Are you . . ." questions and here's the rest.

Me: "Yes, ma'am."

C.L.: "You did receive the long form, didn't you? Apparently, you failed to fill it out, but if you could give me twenty minutes of your time . . ."

Me: "Ma'am, as far as I know, I'm only Constitutionally required to tell you how many people live under my roof. It's just me and my wife."

C.L.: "Well, the other information is important."

Me: "I remember the fair-share ads, ma'am, and understand the importance of the long form for the distribution of tax monies to federal programs for counties and muncipalities, but you only need a head count."

C.L.: "I'll record that, but I have to inform you that they may send me back out here to get the rest."

Me: "Be that as it may, I'm only giving you a head count. Two people live here."

I did give mine and my wife's names and our birthdates (probably should have been a pecker about that). I also told her I didn't see much point in the government knowing that electricity is the primary fuel of my house, that I use X amount of gas in my vehicle, etc., etc. Left me irritated and my wife as well when she got home and I told her about the encounter.

Hell, they've got enough information on me anyway. Uncle Sam sees more than his fair share of my paycheck than I do. I say, let 'em earn their supper if they want anything more out of me.

Just a rant, but the last thing I needed on a beautiful day off after a long, hectic work week was a nice, Constitutionally ignorant lady bugging me on my own private property.

 

[G-Freeman]

Dawgonit here I've been waiting around and haven't even gotten a notice on my doorknob.

My only contact with a census employee is a poor addled guy in a pickup who is frantically taking down the house number of the vacant hose on my left and the vacant house on my right. I open the garage and head to the truck and he hussles over and begins to quiz me on the former inhabitants and literally begs me to help him out. I tell him both have been vacant for some time and I am late for work. "I only need your name, please", he said. Chuck I said, Chuck Schumer. He left quite happy.

 

[4V50 Gary]

Charles Schumer? Too funny!

 

[Bud Helms]

The other day I went to donate a little blood for the National Marrow Donor Program screening process. It was held at a local College. Pre-med students were helping the nurses and after they had taken a small vial of blood, I went over to the table where the traditional cookies and juice were and a little girl asked me to please "Sit down!" Well, after a few minutes I and a friend got up to go back to work. The little girl marched up and said, "I'll need your name!" I told here my first name was Peter. She was looking down and writing, when she barked, "Last name!" I said "Cottontail!", and walked out. When we got out to the vehicle to go back top work, my friend asked me, "Why didn't you want a free tee-shirt?" I said, "What are you talking about?" He said, "The girl was taking names and mailing addresses down for free tee-shirts for those who got the screening done."

Doooohhhhhhh! I showed her!

[This message has been edited by sensop (edited May 14, 2000).]

 

[6forsure]

though i think this was in jest, "The other day I went to donate a little blood for the National Marrow Donor Program screening process", ain't that kind of useless without a name/address/phone.

if some of these folks would not pay taxes, not use state ids, not public school their children, and not license their cars and guns, i'd have some respect for that. but picking on old folks and housewives seems easier for them.

[This message has been edited by 6forsure (edited May 14, 2000).]