If this is going to be a carry gun.........rent or borrow as many as you can. Shoot more than just a few token rounds. You should practice with your carry gun enough to become VERY good with it and you don't want to carry something that you don't enjoy shooting.
Your defensive gun is supposed to be comforting, not comfortable. Don't jump on the lightest thing around untill you have done some serious testing.
My personal choice would be a used K frame Smith in blued steel....short barreled model 19. With a used L frame right behind.
Sam......enjoy your selection process.