Best joke I' ve heard this week

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David Roberson

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This one falls in the category of "member hobnobbing," which is totally legal here, right, moderators? Please, just this once?

Bill Clinton finally dies and, as we all expected, he goes directly to hell. He is met at hell's gates by Satan, who tells him that, contrary to popular opinion, hell is indeed full. However, Satan continues, since Clinton so richly deserves to spend eternity in hell, he will replace one of the current inhabitants. But Satan softens the bad news by telling Clinton that he can choose who he replaces in hell.

Satan takes him to a hall with three doors. He opens the first door.

There stands Newt Gingrich, sweating mightily as he labors away with a sledgehammer, making little rocks out of big ones. Clinton shudders. "I don't want to spend eternity working like that! Show me another choice."

Satan opens the second door. There is Ted Kennedy, bobbing for old auto parts in a cold pool of filthy water. Clinton grimaces. "I don't want to be doing that until the end of time! Show me another choice."

Satan opens the third door. There is Ken Starr, totally naked and bound tightly to a pole. Kneeling in front of him is Monica Lewinsky, doing ... well, doing what she is most famous for doing. Clinton brightens. "Well, if I'm going to spend eternity in hell, that doesn't look too bad. I'll choose this."

"Very well," says Satan. "You may leave, Monica."
 
Dear Friends,

I think this is below us. There are teenagers, wives, etc. who read this forum, and we talk about "protecting" them from violence and other of the world's unpleasantness. Let's also protect them from stuff like this.

At least a warning in the title that this will be a dirty joke.

JP

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Nehemiah 4:18 " ... and each of the builders wore his sword at his side as he worked."
 
Sorry you feel that way, Captain. Since I was careful to make sure that the joke itself is much less graphic than the news stories that filled the front pages of our nation's newspapers for more than a year, I'm not sure what you think you're protecting "teenagers, wives" from. A reader would already have to know about Monica Lewinsky and her activities even to understand the joke.

You're right that I probably should have posted this with a title like "potentially offensive joke." It just didn't occur to me that anyone here would find it offensive.

The joke, incidentally, was told to me by a woman.
 
I'm with Cpt. John Park. I don't think this has any place here. I not only want to show respect to wives, daughters, and women in general, but I am personally offended. There is too much vulgarity and profanity all around us. Let's keep it off TFL. Jerry
 
I disagree, there is much to this joke that requires prior knowledge - get a grip.
I had to laugh.

[This message has been edited by Dave D (edited October 28, 2000).]
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JerryM:
I not only want to show respect to wives, daughters, and women in general[/quote]

You are being a little sexist yourself, implying that "wives daughters, and women in general" are the only ones who participate in this "monicanistic" act. And if they are as protected as some of you hope to keep them, in the closet and in the dark about what goes on in our own countries capitol, they wouldn't get the meaning of the joke anyhow.
 
Read this fast until you get it.

I AM SO WE TODD DID.
I AN SOFA KING WE TODD DID.

Now that's funny.

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When guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns.
 
I posted it over at Glock Talk. They'll like it over there.

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I used to sleep at the foot of Old Glory
And awake in the dawn's early light
But much to my surprise
When I opened my eyes
I was a victim of the great compromise. -
John Prine.
 
BadMedicine,
Notice that I said I am also offended by it. I don't think vulgar things are funny. As regards women, in my day men respected women. I won't ever grow out of that. Now I realize that many women are as vulgar in their speech and actions as men. That is a woman who is not a lady, but one who acts more like a harlot than a lady. Today nothing is sacred and there is no respect for anyone or anything. When I was a young man if some of the T Shirts worn today with the vulgar logos had been worn in public the shirt would have been ripped off by the first or second man who saw it and the wearer taught a lesson in respect. The law would have been on the side of the one who "corrected" the wearer. Now with the liberal courts anything goes. What kind of people wear such things or use such language in the presence of their mothers, daughters or other's mothers and daughters? Reprobates is the answer. I'm not concerned about being called sexist. I know what is right and I stand for it regardless of the name calling. Jerry

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Ecclesiastes 12:13  ¶Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
14  For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
 
Here's one for you Jerry--

Clinton and the Pope died but due to a gross error, Clinton was sent ot Heaven and the Pope was sent to Hell. The mixup was quickly figured out and the two were commanded to change places.
Meeting in the middle the Pope exclaimed, "I'm so excited to finally meet the Virgin Mary!"
Clinton replied with a wink, "I'm afraid you're about five minutes too late for that."
 
Hilarious. Very Hilarious.


So it seems the pope, clinton, bill gates, and a grade schooler are all in the same plane.
The plane dies and starts to go down, and the pilot gets on the intercom "I'm sorry to inform you that we're going to wreck" with that he grabs a parachute and jumps.
The remaining 4 people realize there are only 3 Parachutes left for them.
Clinton stand up and says "I am the leader of the most powerful nation in the world, my country needs me." with that he grabs a parachute and jumps out.
Bill gates stands up and says "I am the smartest man in the world. My software has helped millions of people world wide." And with that, he grabs a parachute, and bails.
The pope says "young boy, I've lived many years, and believe I've seen most everything. I believe in god, and believe that I will soon be with him, it is ok, boy, for you to take the last parachute, god will take care of me."
The boy replies "Don't worry, we can both have one, the worlds smartest man took my backback.
 
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