It might help to know what you are shooting in it as well. My wife has the new A400 - even though it is rated for them, I would not shoot 3-1/2" goose thumpers out of it. It DOES do wonders with my 3/4 oz. target loads though.
It sounds like this gun doesn't fit you. Actual recoil is what it is....perceived recoil is the "kick" that folks remember and the bruised cheeks, etc. - mostly caused by a gun that doesn't fit that person properly.
Doesn't the Benelli come with the adjustable shims ala Beretta? have you tried changing them to see if that works?