Bathtub Sanity Now!

JimR

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Join BSI! 3" bathtub depth limits must be imposed on the sheeple! For the children!

A little political commentary at the expense of our favorite anti-rights group. From American Partisan Magazine.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>The Slippery Menace
by Jules Varwig

Wednesday, April 5, 2000

How many more must die in the cold porcelain of the household bathtub before we come to our collective senses? This all too common appliance is a proven killer. Unregulated bathtubs cause over 200,00 injuries every year. There are over 100 drownings and 70 people cooked to death in scalding bathwater each and every year. Add the suicides, falls, and deliberate murders that take place in tubs, and the death toll mounts. Sadly, children comprise 75% of the fatalities.

Many European nations have long recognized the risk inherent in bathtubs and have reduced the use of them. Yet in the United States, the bathing culture is rampant, and leads to death and suffering on a gigantic scale. There are those who claim that bath tub use is justified under certain circumstances. Some claim that bathtubs are necessary for cleanliness. Is personal vanity more important to you than a child’s safety?

Recreation is often espoused as a legitimate use of the bathtub but can be disregarded out of hand. No brief thrill is worth the cost of maintaining one of these deadly instruments of destruction in your home. Research shows that the chances of drowning or being boiled in your bathtub are greater than the chances of inducing a supermodel of the opposite sex to share it with you.

Steps should be taken at once to register tubs. Our government at present don’t even know for sure how many of these killer devices exist! Simply incorporating a few questions into the upcoming census would help authorities to determine the size of regulatory agency needed to enforce license requirements.

Many bathtubs hold up to 18 inches of water. The variety known as the "spa" or "hot tub" may hold even more, and has been implicated in cases of date rape. Some of these assault tubs can have as much as 24 inches of water and various automatic jets, whirlpools, and heaters which make them attractive to the criminal bather. Our legislature should take steps to limit all new bathtubs to holding 3 inches of water. This should reduce the chances of mass drowning significantly.

Of course, children make up the overwhelming number of bathtub victims. Even if you don’t own a bathtub, your child’s friends may have parents who are irresponsible bathers. The common sense solution is for people to use faucet locks. Faucet locks can be easily mandated by government, enforced by a new agency set up specifically with tub safety in mind, and subject to in-home inspections at households with registered bathtubs.

Regardless of any "right" claimed by the pro-bathing crowd, (a right which is never mentioned in the Constitution) precedents have already been established for bathroom fixture regulation. The Supreme Court has so far refused to hear any cases involving environmentally friendly commodes, thereby pointing out the foolishness of those who say that the government requirement of a toilet that doesn’t work is some kind of tyranny. We should continue to educate these malcontents and inform their children of the stubborn and selfish ways of their parents.

How can you get involved in insuring your children’s safety? The most important thing you can do is to eliminate your bathtub immediately. Your tub is not "necessary" to your family’s well being, and in fact is more likely to kill or injure a member of your family or a friend, than it is to drown a burglar. The benefits of eliminating your tub will be immediate and noticeable. There will be a certain air about you that says, " I did away with my bathtub and I’m safer for it." Lobby your legislators to immediately invoke new laws to insure your safety from tubs. Give them money if you have to. Write nasty letters, stage protests, and organize anti-bathing individuals to stand around in legislative chambers. You WILL be noticed. Finally, join Bathtub Sanity, the only organization dedicated to your safety from this menace. At B.S. we are constantly involved in political action, research, and public education. We even maintain a facility containing various models of assault tubs, which our staff researches and tests at considerable personal danger.

Your children deserve to be safe, no matter the inconvenience or hardship. They cry out for your protection. Would you deny them?
[/quote]


[This message has been edited by JimR (edited April 06, 2000).]
 
WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
I cain't help but be laffin' and criin' all day now! JimR, thank you for that post.

Now on the more serious side.

Did you know that you can get one of these killers, just by walking into many stores and paying a clerk? I've even seen some discarded by the roadside, waiting in ambush to jump in someone's truck to be sold at some antique show or auction! The author is absolutely correct; we must stop this scourge to society immediately. The best way I know how is to follow the example of many of our leading cities - sue the bejeebers out of American-Standard, Koehler, et al. The vast proliferation of murderous bathtubs must be curbed.
And BTW, am I correct in thinking that the vast majority of these life-taking tubs are white? OMG! We need an immediate breakdown of the ethnic and economical ramifications of this travesty. Could these tubs be racist? Are we to endure another year of the government sitting by, doing nothing about this, when in the Senate they are doing cheerleader cheers for UCONN????? (Saw that yesterday on C-Span).

I'm afraid I could go on, but my fingers are tired. Forgive the sarcastic rant, but I hope it was taken in fun as intended as a continuation of JimR's initial post.

Thanks again, JimR.
 
Could this mean that the present day standard of personal hygiene is just another NWO conspiracy!! :eek:
You know, I believe the Founding Fathers didn't bathe as much as modern Americans. Maybe they knew something? :confused:
 
You know, I've heard that the European model is to NOT bathe as much as we do here in Amerika. Nor do the women shave. Perhaps the U.N. needs to include those standards in the NWO manifesto that they're preparing.

After all, what place does sovreignity have in the greater context of a more "aromatic and homogenous" world population?

Right?
 
If a child slips and falls in the tub, and the parents did not use the safety rubber fish grips, would that mean the parents could be held accountable for a felony? :D Rubber fish grips should be included with all bathtubs. :)

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We are as one as we all are the same fighting for one cause -Metallica
 
ROTFLMAO! :D

The founding fathers could never have forseen bathing insturments of such magnitude and efficiency!
 
Even worse are those tactical assault bathtubs. Or the teeny tiny concealable ones. And let's not forget the Saturday night specials.
 
What's worse is that these deadly assault tubs are filled with deadly dihydrogen monoxide, which can be purchased and used by small children with no waiting period WHATSOEVER. This deadly substance is responsible for thousands of unnecessary deaths every year. Please, please for the sake of the children, pledge to stop using dihydrogen monoxide NOW and get it out of your home NOW. Our precious little ones are depending on YOU!

MADM (Mothers Against Dihydrogen Monoxide)


Hey, if all the anti-liberties types took my advice, our problems would go away real soon.
:D
 
Ledbetter,
Is a Saturday Night Special a cheap bathtub, or someone who only bathes once a week? :confused:

[This message has been edited by Karanas (edited April 06, 2000).]
 
You guys need to go to the M.I.L.T. website: That's Mothers Insisting on Licenced Tools...

I'm not kidding...

Go there, you'll thank me later...
 
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