Most people such as myself that have had the misfortune of being involved in a shootout (in my case as a LEO) that resulted in the death of another human, even though they fully deserved it, don't talk about. Even though it never bothered me, never lost one mintues sleep over it and yes 20 years later I still carry. Also I notice you have ask a lot of questions similar to this one in basis, with that said let me assure you, taking someones life, again even though justified is not like on "tv", is not fun and certainly not glamorous.