A Good Clean Joke

P

Prichard

New member
One day Bill Clinton slipped away from
the Secret Service and was out jogging.
He accidentally tripped and fell off a bridge
into the cold water below...


Three 10-year old boys were playing along
the river and saw him fall in so they all jumped
in and saved him and dragged him to shore.

He was so thankful that he told each of
them, "Boys, you just saved the President
of the United States and each of you
deserve a reward."

The first boy says, "I want to go to Disneyland!"
"I'll take you there myself!!!" exclaims Bill.

The second boy says, "I want a brand new pair
of autographed Nike Air Jordan's."
"I'll buy them for you myself," says Bill.

"And I want a motorized wheelchair with a
stereo built into it with custom speakers," the
third boy says.

The president looks at the boy and says, "But
son you don't look like you are handicapped to me."
The boy says, "I'm going to be when my dad
finds out I saved you from drowning."
 
Now THAT was funny!
:D

------------------
"Supreme authority derives from a mandate from the masses. Not from some farsicle aquatic ceremony."

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
The Critic formerly known as Kodiac
 
One good one deserves another. I only regret Billy Bob is not the object of this jest:

*********************************************
Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys.

The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said," I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the physician, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the physician's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other attorney said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The Physician returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Physician slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”
*********************************************

Regards from AZ ;)
 
PFfffthsssbbb.......
Oh great, do you know hard it is to get Coke off a monitor !
:D LMAO !

------------------
"The Gun from Down Under !"
http://www.para1911fanclub.w3.to/
Alternate E-mail
hs2k@email.com



[This message has been edited by HS (edited September 11, 1999).]
 
Jeff,

I don't know where in AZ you are but that hysterical laughter from Cave Creek is me.

I can't even stop long enough to type well.

James
 
ROTFLMAO!!!!!

good joke,,


do you know the difference between a tragedy and a crying shame?
tragedy- when bus load of lawyers runs off cliff.
crying shame... there were 2 empty seats!
 
These are some great jokes :D
One good turn deserves another so here's one of my all time favorites:

Two guys are drinking at opposite ends of a bar on the top floor of the Empire State Building. They're both pretty drunk and Finally one says to the other, "Y'know, I've been living in this city all my life and I know everything about this town. As a matter of fact, I can jump out this window and the prevailing winds will blow me all the way around the building and into a window on the
tenth floor."

"No way," says the other guy.

"I'll prove it!" he says. The guy walks over to the window, jumps out and falls past the 30th floor, 20th, 15th, and sure enough, the winds blow him all the way around the building and in a window on the tenth floor. He takes an elevator back up to the bar and says, "See, I told you. Now buy me a drink."

The other guy buys him a drink and after a little while says "I think that was just a fluke, I'll bet you two drinks that you can't do it again.

"I'll take that bet." the first guy says and walks over to the window again. He jumps out and falls past the 30th floor, 20th, 15th, and just like before, the wind blows him around the building and in the window. He takes the elevator back up to the bar and collects his two drinks.

After a while he says "OK, now it's your turn. You've seen me do it twice so you know it is true, prove you're a man and jump."

The second guy says "All right, I will, but you'll owe me five drinks when I get back."

"Fine." says the first guy. He watches as the other guy walks over to the window, takes a deep breath and finally jumps. He falls past the 30th floor, 20th, 15th, 5th, SPLAT!!!!!! All over the sidewalk.

The bartender looks at the first guy, shakes his head and says "You know, you're a real @$$ho!e when you're drunk, Superman."


------------------
RKBA!

"A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you." - Ramsay Clark

"Rights are liable to be perverted to wrongs when we are incapable of rightly exercising them." - Sarah Josepha Hale
 
One time President Clinton fellt into a coma and Vice President Gore was put in charge. The president finally woke up two years later. Then a nurse came over and asked him what he wanted now that he was up. The President said "I really want a nice hamburger, say how much are they now?"
The nurse said "100 yen."
 
There has been a recent discovery among archives shedding
new information regarding George Washington's famous line
"I can not tell a lie - I chopped down the Cherry Tree"
It seems that someone was hiding nearby during the
following discussion and copied this on parchment.

HERE's THE STORY
----------------

"George, son, did you chop down the cherry tree?"

"No, Dad."

"Son, because I trust you and have given you the privilege
of running the plantation while I'm gone as a symbol of that
trust, I'm going to believe you."

SEVEN MONTHS LATER...

"George, your brother was talking to one of our slaves,
and the slave told him he saw you chop down that cherry
tree last winter. Did you?"

"No, Dad."

"I think you are lying."

"No, no, no! I swear I did NOT chop down the cherry tree."

"Son, he saw you out here with your axe. Your punishment
will be much worse for you if you lie. Now, tell me the truth!"

"Dad, I answered your question truthfully. Still, I must take
complete responsibility for all my actions. While my answer
was legally accurate, I did not volunteer information. Indeed,
Dad, I did cause the cherry tree to be lying on the ground.
To do this was wrong. It constituted a critical lapse in
judgment and a personal failure on my part for which I am
solely and completely responsible. I know my answer to you
gave a false impression. I misled you, my own father. I
deeply regret that. I can only tell you I was motivated
by many factors.

" What I did, Dad, was use a saw to cause the cherry
tree to fall. Only after the tree was already down did
I go get my axe to chop off individual branches. So,
I chopped off branches, but sawed down the tree.
Look at the saw cut on the stump and the axe cuts on the
branches. Therefore, legally, I told the truth. I ask you
to turn away from the spectacle of this fallen tree and
to return our attention to a solid family relationship.
After all, who's going to remember a cherry tree as a
symbol of my character and ability to lead?"
 
You've probably seen this one before. But the two lines added at the bottom are worth the re-read....

------------------------------

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is crying, "Okay, okay! I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."

---------------------------------------------

The DEA goes into the forest, plants drugs on everybody, busts em, confiscates the forest and sells it at auction.

The EPA goes into your house, finds a cat, proclaims that the cat is a rare form of rabbit, and declares your house to be a forest.
 
Hillary Clinton visits a schools and gives a vocabulary lesson:

Today class, I want to ask you, who knows what is the definition is of a tragedy?

Little Johhny stands and says:
a tragedy is when you get a flat tire

to which Hillary says:
No, that is an accident.

Little Suzie stands and says:
a tragedy is when your school bus gets a flat tire and it wrecks and runs over a cliff

to which Hillary says:
No, that is an unfortunate incident

Little Bobby stands and says:
A tragedy is when the President's Airplane is blown up.

to which Hillary responds:
Yes that would be a tragedy, Can you tell me why?

Little Bobby responds:
Because it wasn't an accident and it was not an unfortunate incident!

;)

dZ
 
Slick Wille, Al Gore, Hillary, and Chelsea are on Air Force 1, high over the heatrlad. Al sez to Bill. "If I throw a $10,000 bill out the window, I'll make some American a very happy person."
Bill sez, "No Al. You got it wrong. Throw 10 $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 Americans very happy."
Hillary chimes in, " No guys. Throw 100 $100 dollar bills out the window, and make 100 Americans happy.
Chelsea sez, " If I throw all three of you out the window, I'll make the whole damn country happy."
To which I say "GO CHELSEA!"
Paul B.
 
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