I think it's very difficult to compare recoil of various ammunition without considering the effects of the different guns as well.
In general:
More powerful ammunition will have more recoil.
Heavier guns will reduce felt recoil by having more inertia to resist it. (Thank you Mr. Newton!)
Longer barrels will have a larger moment of rotation which will reduce muzzle flip.
Lower barrels, closer to the hand and therefore the axis of rotation, will reduce muzzle flip.
Three finger grips will distribute the recoil over more of the hand than a two finger grip as well as providing more control over muzzle flip.
The action itself (blowback, locked, semi-locked, gas) will effect both actual and perceived recoil. (I left out most of the non-semi-auto actions since this is the SA forum.)
And finally, ownership influences perceived recoil. If you particularly like one of your guns (or your only gun) you're probably going to like that caliber as well.
All that being said, there are a lot more variables than just the ammunition. I don't have any identical (except in caliber) guns to test these rounds with. However, I do have full size guns in each caliber with similar length barrels and grips. (9mm CZ75B, .40 S&W Beretta 96, .45 Colt 1911) And quite frankly, I don't find any of them unpleasant to fire. In fact I enjoy shooting any of these three calibers/guns. I don't think you can go wrong with any of them.
OTOH, if you want a nasty pistol to fire, try almost any pocket pistol! I have two .380's (NAA Guardian and AMT Backup) that I like to carry when anything else is too large but both are a pain to fire. Easily the two worst (for recoil) that I own. Based on my experience with these two guns I could probably say that .380's have very uncomfortable recoil. But I've also (once) fired a full sized .380 and the recoil was almost negligible. I'd even say that a full size .380 was a nice gun if I could figure out a reason for such a gun to exist.
Tom