The barrel length will matter a bit, in that the better .38+Ps are going to perform quite well (as opposed to snubbies).
In a 4" .357 gun:
1) 158grain 38+P LSWC-HP by Winchester or (better) Remington will work well, with controllable recoil.
2) Corbon's 110grain and 125grain .38+P JHPs are OK out of a 4", and recoil on the 110 will be very mild.
www.cor-bon.com
3) There's lots of other 110 and 125 .38+P JHPs that you could try. Somebody mentioned Winchester's 130grain "Supremes" which have a huge hollowpoint cavity.
4) Proload has a 357 125grain "Tactical Lite" JHP that "bridges the gap" between .38 and 357 power levels. Seems worth trying if you don't want to deal with full crash'n'boom .357.
After that, you're into full 357 territory. Lots of choices, most good. One intriguing choice: Proload's 158grain .357 based on a Gold Dot projectile. The 10mm 155grain version is of similar power levels, and somebody gelatin tested 'em and got a staggering 1.2" expansion rate
. Might prove real effective. The Remington 125grain full-house .357 is a simple-looking critter but has the best reputation in the caliber for one-stop shots. The Proload 158 hasn't been around long enough to develop a track record but...might be worth trying out, see what the recoil is like. Might be a bit much penetration for house defense
.
www.proload.com