> We proudly present the 1999 "Natural Selection" awards
> (Darwin Awards
> always end in death, some of these contributors to the gene
> pool actually
> survived):...
>
> 5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who
> died when he
> hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while
> riding down the slope
> on a foam pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead
> at Central
> Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the
> Mono County Sheriff's
> Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked
> up a ski run
> called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors
> from lift towers,
> said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police
> Department. The pads
> are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
> apparently used
> the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into
> a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the
> tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
>
> 4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently
> being disorderly in
> a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the
> police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth
> and walked out without paying.
> Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
> Paramedics removed the
> six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to
> death.
>
> 3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who
> shot a stag
> standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed
> instantly when it fell on him.
>
> 2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West
> Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a
> man in Arkansas who used the 22 bullet to replace the fuse
> in his pick-up truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth
> and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
> lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit
> the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday
> night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
> "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
> was trying to explode it",
> said Payne. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show
> you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down
> and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off,
> Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition
> Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a
> spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just
> can't imagine
> anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
>
> 1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said
> an Oregon man
> shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be
> alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony
> Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an
> initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous
> (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
> Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
> his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors
> said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a
> major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts
> would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny
> Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the
> arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip
> protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to
> miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had
> Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely
> would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he
> and his friends had been
> drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about
> this". No charges have
> been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's
> office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
>
> Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his
> friend, (the late)
> Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to
> attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington
> amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers
> between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
> the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled
> their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was for
> (the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr.
> Hawkins) to hop the fence
> and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the
> late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other
> side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found
> himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly
> halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it were) by a
> large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from
> the tree with a
> broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him.
> (Possibly) figuring the
> bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and
> proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the
> tree. Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr.
> Pernicky crashed into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves
> scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of
> his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make
> matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocket-knife penetrated
> his thigh 3 inches. (The
> late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain
> and agony, decided to
> throw him a rope and pull him to safety (now he thinks of
> the "S" word) by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and
> slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state,
> he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence
> landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to
> find the crashed pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet
> from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal
> injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found
> John under it, half-naked scratches on his body, a holly
> stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
> dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
>
> Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
------------------
"The Gun from Down Under !"
http://www.para1911fanclub.w3.to/
E-mail hotshot_2000@hotmail.com
Alternate E-mail
HS2000@ausi.com
> (Darwin Awards
> always end in death, some of these contributors to the gene
> pool actually
> survived):...
>
> 5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who
> died when he
> hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while
> riding down the slope
> on a foam pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead
> at Central
> Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the
> Mono County Sheriff's
> Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked
> up a ski run
> called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors
> from lift towers,
> said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police
> Department. The pads
> are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
> apparently used
> the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into
> a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the
> tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
>
> 4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently
> being disorderly in
> a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the
> police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth
> and walked out without paying.
> Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
> Paramedics removed the
> six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to
> death.
>
> 3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who
> shot a stag
> standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed
> instantly when it fell on him.
>
> 2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West
> Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a
> man in Arkansas who used the 22 bullet to replace the fuse
> in his pick-up truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth
> and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
> lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit
> the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday
> night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
> "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
> was trying to explode it",
> said Payne. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show
> you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down
> and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off,
> Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition
> Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a
> spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just
> can't imagine
> anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
>
> 1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said
> an Oregon man
> shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be
> alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony
> Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an
> initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous
> (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
> Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
> his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors
> said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a
> major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts
> would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny
> Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the
> arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip
> protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to
> miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had
> Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely
> would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he
> and his friends had been
> drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about
> this". No charges have
> been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's
> office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
>
> Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his
> friend, (the late)
> Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to
> attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington
> amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers
> between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
> the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled
> their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was for
> (the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr.
> Hawkins) to hop the fence
> and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the
> late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other
> side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found
> himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly
> halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it were) by a
> large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from
> the tree with a
> broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him.
> (Possibly) figuring the
> bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and
> proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the
> tree. Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr.
> Pernicky crashed into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves
> scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of
> his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make
> matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocket-knife penetrated
> his thigh 3 inches. (The
> late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain
> and agony, decided to
> throw him a rope and pull him to safety (now he thinks of
> the "S" word) by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and
> slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state,
> he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence
> landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to
> find the crashed pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet
> from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal
> injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found
> John under it, half-naked scratches on his body, a holly
> stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
> dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.
>
> Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
------------------
"The Gun from Down Under !"
http://www.para1911fanclub.w3.to/
E-mail hotshot_2000@hotmail.com
Alternate E-mail
HS2000@ausi.com